Sunday, March 19, 2017


Commander-in- chief Trump in full plumage and ready for war.


The last refuge of a scoundrel is patriotism and Donald Trump is well on the way toward claiming that refuge. Constant campaign rallies and fervant nationalism speak of America's Trumph of the will moment in which Steve Bannon's dystopian and totalitarian world becomes a reality. The perfect storm is looming ~ an out of control military-industrial complex, an unhindered fear driven administration and an ego driven president bent on self-destruction and a fade to black: Allen L Roland, PhD


"Instead, coming out of the gate, the new administration has focused on what Trump’s chief strategist and white nationalist Stephen Bannon promised to do several years ago: 'bring everything crashing down”' John Feffer, author of the new dystopian novel, Splinterlands.


A dystopia is a fictional world where people live under a highly controlled, totalitarian system. In his novel "Brave New World," Aldous Huxley created a dystopia


In Doubling Down on Dystopia (Preventing the Triumph of Trump’s Will) ~ John Feffer describes the dystopian Trump world we are already facing;


"The Trump era so far is all about the center not holding, a time when, in the words of the poet Yeats, things fall apart. Forget about Hannah Arendt and The Origins of Totalitarianism -- also a hot seller on Amazon -- and focus more on chaos theory. Unpredictability, incompetence, and demolition are the dystopian watchwords of the current moment, as the world threatens to fragment before our very eyes."


"Secretary of State Rex Tillerson is being reduced to little more than an ornament as the new triumvirate of Trump, Bannon, and Trump’s son-in-law Jared Kushner take over foreign policy (though Vice President Pence hovers in the background like a chaperone at the prom)."


"Meanwhile, with a proposed $54 billion future hike in its budget, Trump’s Pentagon will remain untouched by the wrecking ball, as the new president presides over a devastating shrinkage of the government he dislikes and a metastasis of what he loves. (Think: giant, shiny aircraft carriers and self-glory)"



"All that dust in the air comes, after all, from the chaotic first steps in a projected massive demolition process and may already be obscuring the fact that Trump is attempting to push through a fundamentally anti-American and potentially supremely unpopular program. He aims to destroy the status quo, as Bannon promised, and replace it with a new world order defined by three Cs: Conservative, Christian, and Caucasian."


Feffer's comments about The Triumph of the Will  brings back memories of Nazi germany's rise to power in the 1930's and is well worth quoting ~


"Many Americans are now having their Triumph of the Will moment. They watch Donald Trump repeatedly without getting bored or disgusted. They believe that history has anointed a new leader to revive the country and restore it to its rightful place in the world. They’ve been convinced that the last eight years were a liberal dystopia and what is happening now is, if not utopian, then the first steps in that direction."

"A hard core of those enthralled by Trump cannot be convinced otherwise. They hold liberal elites in contempt. They don’t believe CNN or The New York Times. Many subscribe to outlandish theories about Islam and immigrants and the continuing covert machinations of that most famous “Islamic immigrant” of them all, Barack Obama."

"For this hard core of Trump supporters, the United States could begin to break down, the economy take a nosedive, the international community hold the leadership in Washington in contempt, and they will continue to believe in Trump and Trumpism."

"Remember: even after Nazi Germany went down in fiery defeat in 1945, significant numbers of Germans remained in thrall to National Socialism. In 1947, more than half of those surveyed still believed that Nazism was a good idea carried out badly."


"Given that the administration’s dystopian vision is based on chaos and fragmentation, the oppositional response should be to unite everyone opposed, or even potentially opposed, to what Washington is now doing."

"To do so, however, we would need to put together a better plot, introduce some more interesting and colorful characters, and, before it’s too late, write a much better ending that doesn’t just leave us with explosions, screams, and fade to black."

"Bye-bye, EPA. Nighty-night, Department of Education. Nice knowing you, HUD. We sure will miss you, Big Bird and foreign aid."


 Trump's unchecked ego is like a slowly imploding super nova which will eventually destroy everything he holds dear, similar to citizen Kane, when he is finally forced to face reality and the consequences of his actions.


Beneath this impending darkness lies a Unified Field of love and soul consciousness which exists not only beyond time and space but also beneath our deepest fears and we continue to resist its urge to unite at our collective peril.


The Trump/Bannon administration is also riddled with far-right white supremacists and now we find that President Donald Trump’s top counterterrorism adviser, Sebastian Gorka, is a member of a Hungarian far-right, Nazi-allied group.

Amy Goodman speaks with reporter Larry Cohler-Esses, who first reported the allegations in The Forward, a leading Jewish American newspaper, See Democracy Now interview ~



Make no mistake about this ~ the Trump / Bannon Dystopia will lead to war within a year and it will probably be centered in the South China Sea. Watch this Abby Martin expose on Steve Bannon and be forewarned ~ we are already sailing on the dark side. Video ~ 25 minutes


We are running out of time, Folks ~ it's time for action ~ there's no change without action and true collective action usually involves a  mass movement.




Heart centered spiritual consultant and advisor Allen L Roland can be contacted at Allen is also a lecturer and writer who shares a weekly political and social commentary on his web log and website He is also featured columnist on Veterans Today and is a featured guest on many radio and Television programs.



Friday, March 10, 2017


Death is the ultimate return home and a time of great soul celebration for we are returning to our original oneness and a place of such deep profound love that it's beyond words or description ~ only poetry can offer clues: Allen L Roland, PhD


Death is the great unknown and can only be conquered by totally surrendering to the moment and the fact that we are universally loved.




Dr Eben Alexander poignantly describes the blissful state of after-death consciousness that he personally experienced during his own near-death experience in his book ~ Proof of Heaven ~ in essence, Eben correctly says it’s all about love;



Proof of Heaven,  p. 71 ~  If I had to boil this entire message down to one sentence, it would run this way: “You are loved.”  

And if I had to boil it down further, to just one word, it would (of course) be simply: Love ~ Love is without doubt, the basis of everything." 


"Not some abstract, hard-to-fathom kind of love, but the day-to-day kind that everyone knows – the kind of love we feel when we look at our spouse and our children, or even our animals. 

In its purest and most powerful form, this love is not jealous or selfish, but unconditional." 



"This is the reality of realities, the incomprehensibly glorious truth of truths that lives and breathes at the core of everything that exists or that ever will exist, and no remotely accurate understanding of who and what we are can be achieved by anyone who does not know it, and embody it in all of their actions." 



"Not much of a scientific insight?  Well, I beg to differI’m back from that place, and nothing could convince me that this is not only the single most important scientific truth as well.” 



Every love relationship that has ensued since I painfully re-opened my heart in 1971 has led me through my fears to the heart grounded place where I am now ~ living in the blissful awareness that I am once again part of something far greater than myself and, as such, my heart has become a fragment of life's heart.


The great Egyptian poet Mahfouz expressed it beautifully ~ “When the heart achieves its desire, you shall transcend time and space” ~ for we are all, in essence, put on this planet a little time to bear the beams of a profound love that transcends time and space.


But I was in that unconditional space as a young child, living with my grandfather, for I was once again part of something far greater than myself, filled with overwhelming joy and could literally feel love leap from my heart into his.


We have strong evidence that separation from love can lead to illness, death or self-destructive actions. Separation from the Unified Field  quite often begins in our earliest childhood, in our most primary relationships with family members such as grandparents ~ as  my separation with my grandfather.


The late pioneering psychologist Arthur Janov vividly communicates this tragic yet commonplace scenario in his classic book, The Feeling Child ~


" Actions and interactions between parent and child are only important insofar as they reflect feeling. Loving a child should be as natural as breathing air. Children take both for granted but when love is missing there is a frantic and usually unconscious struggle. Imagine the depression, the panic, the unbearable pain that would occur if breathable air was suddenly not there. It's not that different  for an infant or a child when love is not there ~ love, as primarily  defined is necessary for life. "


My observation, from my own experience and my work with clients, is that the ego is born from this no-choice situation as a means of surviving the loss or threatened loss of love.


Like most of you, readers, I too have experienced such a no-choice dilemma as a child. My option was either to somehow re-experience the excruciating repressed emotions of my separation from love, or, to cut myself off from who I really was.  But it was still my choice ~ for I was not ready to face my own well of grief.


I can still remember standing in the hall of my stepfather's house at age six in Nahant, Massachusetts, suddenly realizing I would never again see my grandfather ~ the person who had been the main source of love in my life ~ I remember feeling complete panic and desperation, feeling utterly alone and full of hopeless despair.


I still vividly remember when my grandfather eventually came to visit and how I refused to go out on the back porch to see him ~ I could not bear to face the repressed emotions of the original traumatic event that would be triggered by him leaving again.


My heart had closed to block out those unbearable feelings ~ emotionally I had stopped growing,


It was as if I had been separated from love, when in fact I had separated myself from love by closing my heart to avoid feeling pain.

Soon after, I began frantically acting out to avoid these feelings ~ I stole, lied, set fires and almost stopped deep breathing ~ it hurt too much to breathe deeply.


No one seemed to recognized my desperate cries for help ~ I became someone else, developed an alter ego patterned to win love versus being myself and I eventually hated the false self I had become in order to survive ~ hiding behind subconscious bars of fear that being myself was not enough.


It would take me nearly 30 years to fully realize that emotionally I truly had another choice and that being myself was not only enough ~ it was honest, vulnerable and quite beautiful !


Falling or surrendering to love is literally falling through a rabbit hole to another state of consciousness ~ a state of light and soul consciousness deepest within ourselves where we initially attempt  to externalize and possess and eventually must painfully internalize in order to assume our place in a universal loving plan in action ~ but this inner transmutation is actually  ego transcendence.

The eight steps of ego transcendence are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance and Connection, Surrender, Celebration and Service,

Falling in love was my first step toward experiencing the divine light and a state of  love, joy and soul consciousness deepest within ourselves and no one describes the feeling more vividly than the famous Persian poet, Rumi ~

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky,

to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment.

First to let go of life.

Finally, to take a step without feet.”


But Rumi also apparently sensed that love was a force beyond time and space and its roots were in the unseen world of soul consciousness and, I would add, the Unified Field ~ a state of consciousness that exists not only beyond time and space but also deepest within ourselves and whose principal property is the propensity to unite.

Everything you see has its roots in the unseen world.

The forms may change, yet the essence remains the same.

Every wonderful sight will vanish, every sweet word will fade,

But do not be disheartened,

The source they come from is eternal, growing,

Branching out, giving new life and new joy.

Why do you weep?

The source is within you

And this whole world is springing up from it.”


Without a doubt, the most important initial step in my journey to experience and know this same truth was falling in love ~ for indeed I fell through a rabbit hole to a whole new dimension of feeling, seeing and knowing.

Of course, I was already married, in a state of deep denial and bargaining and initially externalized that love and when that idealized love was shattered by the reality of my marital situation ~ I could either run away from the resultant deep psychic pain or do what I actually did ~ accept, connect and surrender to the deep pain realizing that I would be haunted forever by the heights of that joyfulness until I faced and sink into the uncharted waters of the psychic well of grief I was then encountering. David Whyte expressed it perfectly in his poem The Well of Grief ~

Those who will not slip beneath
the still surface on the well of grief

turning downward through its black water
to the place we cannot breathe

will never know the source from which we drink,
the secret water, cold and clear,

nor find in the darkness glimmering
the small round coins
thrown by those who wished for something else.”

Some part of me sensed that there was a sad and alone child within me who always wanted to feel that deeply and I could not go any further until I also embraced his deep pain as I had once fully embraced his incredible joy.

After I willingly emotionally crashed and faced my pain in 1971 ~  I can vividly remember standing on a corner waiting for my wife in San Mateo, California ~  fully aware that I had been stripped of all my worldly possessions and literally had nothing to hang on to ~ to define me ~ I was for all intent and purposes lost and alone without my ego possessions.

I had surrendered to all that child's delight and now it was time to surrender to his pain ~ trusting that beneath that well of grief was not only joy but also my true authentic self and my heart centered destiny.

Willingly surrendering to the well of grief was an act of faith and I would never have survived if it wasn't in the spirit of gratefulness and that I was still unconditionally loved by my family.

From that deep and egoless state of apparent death and aloneness ~ I fully surrendered and embraced my true raw self and very rapidly my dreams became my guide to this new world of light and soul consciousness, that existed beyond time and space, as well as a startling realization that I was beginning to see through different eyes .

I dreamed I was going to write a book entitled CONSCIOUS LOVE, THE ULTIMATE ENERGY ~ which three years later in 1975 became my Master’s Thesis and the last 38 years have been spent proving it in my heart centered work as a therapist which culminated in my PHD dissertation on the Unified Field in 1998 and then the publishing of it in the form of my latest book in 2000 ~ RADICAL THERAPY / Surrender to Love and Heal Yourself in Seven Sessions ( Not Seven Years ) as well as my YouTube sessions under Radical Therapy in 2015.

This book has been read by all my clients as well as the more than 125 combat vets with PTSD in the eighteen Healing The Wounded Heart workshops I have facilitated over the past seven years.

Surrendering to love is also why my clients begin healing themselves in only seven sessions and why there has been an average 55 to 60% improvement in all symptoms of PTSD in my Band of Brothers 8 week PTSD groups ~ particularly feelings of Inner Peace, joy, love and gratefulness.

Despite the obvious success of a heart centered approach to working with combat veterans with PTSD, along with the alarming rising rate of veterans suicide (at least 25 a day) ~ it’s politics as usual for the VA who still refuse to sanction a heart centered approach to Combat Vet care and remain in the structured box of drug and symptom oriented programs while its top General calls for alternative approaches. 

I am now quite conscious of the fact that I am seeing through the heart while doing my heart centered consulting work, from a place of celebration and service ~ while living in a Unified Field of love, light, joy and soul consciousness ~  the same field that Rumi so eloquently wrote of;

Out beyond ideas of wrong doing and right doing,

there is a field. I’ll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass,

the world is too full to talk about.

Ideas, language, even the phrase each other

doesn’t make any sense.”


Combat veterans of all ages, seniors and youth all want to be seen through the heart and they all respond when we share our truth and speak from our heart . As an example, here’s a short email note from a member of the Orange county Life after Life club, where I made a two hour presentation on my heart centered work two years ago.

Dear Allen,

Our souls saw each other yesterday.  I knew I knew you.  I needed to be there and I needed to be in the front row.  I am frequently invisible, but you saw me.  I had waves of heart energy during your presentation, and when you quoted William Blake ("We are put on Earth a little space to bear the beams of love") my heart gave a leap!  His words became clearer. 

I am returning to the light and BECOMING my true self, excavating, tunneling out from underneath the pain and artifice, the defensive armor in which to hide.

I am listening to Caroline Myss and Andrew Harvey, “Divine Rebels, Saints, Mystics, Holy Change Agents-and You”.  Your work enmeshes with theirs and sparked a deeper understanding.

I am beginning to see the strands of evolution in me, the healing from psychic despair that will ripple out from me to help heal the WEB of the ALL.  This is my preparation time, for what, I do not know, but I do know I am gathering strength and courage to say YES when it presents.

I too, have felt that this is my last go round on this plane.  I have no idea how or why I know this, but the KNOWING is very strong and I am becoming Brave enough to BELIEVE that I am worthy enough to know this.

Thank you for saying “YES”.  Thank you for the courage to present your truth.  You have unlocked the treasure chest and my soul is in joy.

In deep gratitude for your Divine Light,

Kate Hennessy


So falling through the rabbit hole of love led eventually not only to my true self and a state of love, light, joy and soul consciousness deepest within myself but also to a place of celebration and service as well as the deep realization that I am part of a loving plan in action ~ an evolutionary process with which we all participate as co-creators, if we will but listen, respond and bravely share our truth regardless of the risks.

Kate's letter reminds me of one of my favorite quotes by William James ~ which most certainly applies to me ~  "I am done with great things and big things and great institutions and big successes, and I am for those tiny invisible molecular forces that work from individual to individual, creeping through the crannies of the world like so many rootlets or like the capillary oozing water, yet, which, if you give them time, will bend the hardest monuments of human pride."


Allen L Roland, PhD

Heart centered spiritual consultant and advisor Allen L Roland can be contacted at Allen is also a lecturer and writer who shares a weekly political and social commentary on his web log and website He is also featured columnist on Veterans Today and is a featured guest on many radio and Television programs.


Sunday, February 26, 2017


The basic underlying and uniting force of the universe is a psychic energy field of love and soul consciousness (the Unified Field ) which lies not only beyond time and space but ALSO beneath our deepest fears and whose principle property is the universal urge to unite ~ which we collectively resist at our universal peril: Allen L Roland, PhD



"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing,
there is a field.  I'll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase each other
doesn't make any sense."  Rumi



Our innate link to the Unified Field of love and soul consciousness begins in the womb and reveals itself in its principle property ~ the urge to unite.


"If there were no real propensity to unite, even at a prodigiously rudimentary level, indeed in the molecule itself, it would be physically impossible for love to appear higher up in the humanized or human form." Teilhard de Chardin


Where Einstein was concerned with the "without of things", Teilhard was concerned with the "within if things". Teilhard used the term "within" to denote the psychic face or consciousness of matter ~ since the beginning of time ~ which reveals itself in its innate urge to unite.

Regarding this universal urge to unite ~ it was Teilhard de Chardin who wrote: "Considered in all its full biological reality, love ~ that is to say, the affinity of being with being is not peculiar to man. It is a general property of all life and as such embraces, in its varieties of degrees, all the forms successfully adopted by organized matter."

Teilhard defines this innate urge to unite as an energy force in his famous Law Of Complexity - Consciousness. The law states two principles:

1. Throughout all time there has been an evolutionary tendency for all matter to unite and become increasingly complex in nature.

2. With each increase in material complexity, there is a related rise in the consciousness of matter and an even greater urge to unite.

Teilhard divided this fundamental energy into two distinct components ~ a Tangential energy which linked the element with all others of the same order and a Radial energy which represented the innate urge toward union and greater complexity as well as a leap in consciousness.

It is this Radial energy in matter, this deep urge towards union and completion, which eventually manifests itself as LOVE.

As such, Teilhard's Radial energy is one in the same with what I call a state of Soul Consciousness ~ The Unified Field ~ A state of love and soul consciousness that exists not only beyond time and space but also beneath our deepest fears ~ and whose principle property is the universal urge to unite.


Note ~ If we compare this with Darwin's evolutionary theory, Darwin's only initial error was to substitute matter for spirit as the motivating force of the Universe ~ for it becomes increasingly clear, in light of this innate urge to unite, that man is the product of an evolution of love. From the pre-atomic stage in the depths of the primordial sea to his present ' humanized ' state ~ man is the product of a seemingly endless evolution within a loving plan of plurality, union and a resultant energy transformation into something more complex, more conscious and more loving.


Nowhere is this more evident than in our own creation as human beings!


In the August 1990 issue of Life Magazine, Lennart Nilsson created a sensation with the first photographs of how life begins, from conception through life's earliest hours and days, his photos are dramatic proof of our innate urge to unite and of Tellhard's Law of Complexity Consciousness.

Sperm entering the ovum

Nilsson clearly shows , in his remarkable photographs, a remarkable sequence of events. Shortly after the head of the sperm has entered the ovum, we see two small bubbles filled with chromosomes floating around ~ one from the man and one from the woman. Drawn inexorably toward each other (by the urge to unite) these nuclei begin to unite. The result of this union is a highly complex single nucleus (Blastocyst) that contains the entire biological blueprints for a human being.

Fetus at 8  weeks

Fetus at 6 months

There can be no doubt that we, as  human beings are the product of an evolution of love and the urge to unite. By the third trimester, we have reached a place of complexity consciousness where we are in a joyful and knowing pof unity and soul consciousness.

We can hear sounds and most definitely feel by the third Trimester. As a twin, I remember the closeness and loving presence of my twin brother while in utero ~ which is now reinforced by the knowing and deep connection of my wife particularly when we are sleeping next to each other.

I distinctly remember as a very young child, since I'm a twin and surrendered during my birth trauma ~ a vague, scary and almost overwhelming prenatal feeling imprint of being part of something so vast and incomprehensible that I felt absolutely miniscule and tiny beyond description.

Now I realize, through eyes that have been opened through love and service, that it was evidence of my original fetal or prenatal omniscience ~ a knowledge of events which seem to transcend the sensory and mental capacities of the fetus.

This fetal consciousness has most certainly been validated through the work of Dr William Emerson of Petaluma (also a twin) in his evaluation of the memory and consciousness capacities of the prenate through regressions of infants from age two to four in order to determine whether they qualified as experiences of prenatal higher consciousness.


The results of the regressions revealed that most of the children had two of the four criteria of higher consciousness and many had three out of four while in utero ~ and particularly the positive elements of higher consciousness such as ecstasy, joy and/or bliss.






My whole life has been a journey, a quest, to find a lost little boy within myself who once knew, and longed to share the truths that I am now sharing with you; a 4 year old boy who profoundly experienced at the deepest level within himself, a love and joy that indelibly connected him to everything around him. That experience was my first awareness of a Unified Field of love which I was an integral part of ~ and I fully surrendered to the bliss of being in the Unified Field of love and soul consciousness and never forgot it and will discuss it later.






I have had many personal experiences of the sensory sensation of being in the Unified Field of love and soul consciousness that exists not only beyond time and space but also beneath our deepest fears but this one stands out ~ for it was a matter of life and death and it became the foundation of my belief in this state of consciousness that lies beneath our deepest fears.






Just as becoming a Navy Fighter pilot was an important part of my destiny and brought me to the San Francisco Bay area ~ the precognitive vision of the Golden Gate Bridge was a door that was opened to me as a young child and not only let the future in but proved to me that the love for my grandfather not only existed beyond time and space but was also the sole constant of the universe.





She was once again that blond haired little girl she longed to be, laughing and running free in that meadow  Allen, I know, Allen, I know"


My after death experience with my Mother when she passed on in 1987 was proof positive that she was now in the Unified Field ~ a state of soul consciousness that exists beyond time and space.


There can be little doubt that we, as human beings on this tiny miniscule planet in this vast unknown universe, are the product of an evolution of love fueled by the urge to unite ~ from single cell to multi-cell ~ and by the third trimester we have reached a place of such complexity consciousness that we are in a joyful and knowing state of soul consciousness within a Unified Field of love and soul consciousness ~ whose principle property is the urge to unite.

Only the individual and collective state of ego consciousness (the need to control and dominate others) stands in the way of the awareness of not only this loving plan in action ~ but also each one of our parts in this loving plan.

Obviously, there is no such thing as an ugly soul but there are many emotionally maimed souls throughout the planet. It takes tremendous energy to maintain our individual as well as collective state of ego consciousness ~ which is why many of my clients seemingly lose at least 10 years of age, as well as regain repressed energy, when they open their closed hearts and begin to extend and accept love from a place of joy and gratitude. All that energy that was being used for ego defense is now available for self-love and healing.

Nowhere is that more apparent than in my work with combat veterans with PTSD ~ which I re-label PTHD (Post Traumatic Heart Disorder) ~ for one of the most common PTSD symptoms is a closed heart and the inability to extend or receive love. Usually this is because of deep ongoing feelings of shame and guilt or feelings of unworthiness which usually originated during early childhood trauma or birth separation.

In eight three hour sessions over eight weeks these veterans initially completed and shared their life charts (which graphically show their life as a quest to love and be loved); take full accountability for the decisions they have made in their life; meet the lost child within themselves (through a guided visualization); thank the people who have been there for them throughout their life and finally claim the most important gift they have always innately desired ~ themselves, free from fear, unworthiness and resentment as they emerge from their cocoon of ego consciousness.

In all my heart centered consultations, the gift I give my clients is the knowing joy and bliss of being in service from a place of soul consciousness and knowingly being in the Unified Field.

This has been my universal calling ~ I have completely surrendered to it and feel totally in sync with it.

As such, I initially connect with the lost child within them, who is often hiding beneath a mantle of fear and unworthiness, make a heart connection with them through the power of gratefulness and then, through a visualization, they meet the child and they begin to listen and respond to their own heart centered direction from a place of celebration and service.

I literally see the light go on in their dark world and through their homework, they begin to not only see through different eyes but find their long silenced voice .

As children , we all knew, or briefly glimpsed, this state of soul consciousness ~ the Unified Field .


As I mentioned earlier ~ my whole life has been a journey, a quest, to find an emotionally lost little boy within myself who once knew and profoundly felt this inner truth ~ that the bliss and joy deepest within himself was indelibly connected to all of nature ~ and longed to share it , as I am now sharing it with you.


I vividly remember that childhood moment. It was a typical lovely, warm and sultry New England summer day in Newtonville, Massachusetts.

I was four years old and playing alone in my room. I was living with my grandfather, whom I deeply loved and who I knew deeply loved me and my twin brother, Bobby.



I never knew my father, who had separated from my mother before I was born. My mother was exceptionally beautiful, spoiled and emotionally unavailable but my grandfather's black maid , Delia  touched my heart with her gospel songs and loving heart ~ I knew I was loved and that I was special. At times, I could feel an incredible love within me leap from my heart towards my beloved grandfather. He was such a blessing in my life and he truly moved me unconditionally.


That day in my room, I suddenly heard my favorite song on the radio ~ It was Gene Autrey's " I'm Back in the Saddle Again " ~ My inner joy was too great to contain and I felt an incredible urge to share it with the world. So I turned the radio up as loud as possible and stood on my tiptoes and opened the window,  As I leaned out into that gorgeous summer day ~ I felt an overwhelming joy which seemed to literally lift me out of myself .


For suddenly I knew and saw something clearly ~ it was a knowing and seeing from deepest within myself ~ a feeling of incredible joy and oneness with all and I completely surrendered to it. For an ecstatic few moments I knew I was not alone ~ I knew that the awesome feeling of joy that seemed to lift me out of myself was connected to all of nature and I was part of it!


Now I know that I was obviously in a state of soul consciousness or the Unified Field


The memory of that childhood feeling ~ the deep sense of inner joy and knowing ~ was soon to become completely unavailable to me.


For over 30 years, It was buried under a mantle of psychic pain, aloneness and despair that I deeply felt at the age of six years old when I was suddenly taken away from grandfather and Delia. That was when my heart closed and I stopped growing emotionally ~ it hurt too deeply to feel deeply ~ my sisters vividly remember me crying out as we left my grandfather's home "Delia, Delia ~ do you love me?"


Thirty years later I finally fully opened my heart but only after many years of searching for something I had seemingly lost as well as  many attempts to prove myself ~ all in a vain attempt to fill the black hole of psychic pain within me .


Of course, love was "out there to be found" versus inside to be found and freed . And when I eventually found it and lost it ~ I finally faced the repressed anger, despair and aloneness that I had been running away from my whole life.


It was only then ~ when I took full accountability for my deep pain and stopped denying love from a place of gratitude  ~ totally surrendering to the deep psychic pain within me ~ that the joyful memory of that special summer day at four years old bubbled to the surface of my consciousness as a wonderful reminder that deepest within me, beneath my deep pain and victim issues, was love, joy and a profound state of soul consciousness.


Thus it would appear that the pain of not being loved for oneself or being seemingly separated from love is of such deep psychic proportions that death would occur unless we consciously separate from our feelings and our intuitive right brain connection to soul consciousness ~ in order to survive.


As such, death or the idea of death, is an illusion measured by the limits of our consciousness.


Think of the ego as a protective cocoon that is eventually meant to be shed. The Unified Field can thus be visualized as a grid of great luminosity joining all living beings within its energy field of love.


The words of Longfellow would seem appropriate in describing this all-encompassing field or grid: "The thread of all sustaining beauty that runs through all and doth all unite."


It would also seem logical at this point that ego consciousness (ego-defense, manipulation, isolation and self-protection) became more important for survival than soul consciousness (sensitivity, receptivity, altruism and our deepest need to love one another) for it’s a choice of survival.


To the prenate, it's also a no choice situation ~ all they see is a dark tunnel of never ending pain ,aloneness and despair. Yes, it is the same dark tunnel of the near-death experiencer and apparent death from which the ego is born and I am living proof that beneath that point of despair within ourselves ~ we reach a point of singularity, where all notions of time and space break down and we became one with the Unified Field and our innate state of love, joy and soul consciousness.


This would seem to explain why people who have had near-death experiences not only do not fear the unknown or death but have new values regarding love and being in service.

Death may be viewed as the curtain between the existence we are conscious of and one that is hidden from us until we raise the curtain ~ Elizabeth-Kubler Ross


But I would add and have clearly demonstrated in my work and personal experiences within this field of universal Love ~ that Birth may also be viewed as a curtain between an existence we are conscious of and one that is hidden from us until we escape the ego and it's limited consciousness, through love and gratefulness, and enter a state of soul consciousness ( the Unified Field ) by surrendering to love and claiming our part in a universal loving plan as well as its universal urge to unite.

T.S. Eliot said it beautifully ~

We shall not cease from exploration

And at the end of all our exploring

We will arrive where we started

And know the place for the first time.

Allen L Roland, Ph.D

Heart centered spiritual consultant and advisor Allen L Roland can be contacted at Allen is also a lecturer and writer who shares a weekly political and social commentary on his web log and website He is also featured columnist on Veterans Today and is a featured guest on many radio and Television programs